Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
