You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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