and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize