whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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