I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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