So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck me I smell like cheese
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
