After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
