Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
