i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
