where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do vagina's smell?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
