I am midnight drunk by noon
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
