Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
