All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
