chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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