We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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