I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
