I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
