Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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