i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
