Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.

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(309): View more from Illinois

remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"

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(+61): View more from Australia

It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now

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