I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.