Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time