i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME