so explain again why im purple
no
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
