It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.