my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?