Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now