Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.

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(917): View more from New York City

Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

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(561): View more from Florida

i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(708): View more from Illinois

Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?

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