if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it fun? or sober?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
