Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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