I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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