i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
