your thong is hanging out like whoa
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Everclear isn't food dammit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
