saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
