come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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