my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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