Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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