just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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