My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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