Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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