he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
