I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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