I just gift wrapped bread.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She bit a glass in half.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
