he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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