I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come on in and take your pants off
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