Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
