My underwear smells like fireworks.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
