I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
