he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
