i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
