apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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