Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
