You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
