Someone shit on the floor
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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