Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
