Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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