You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
