Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
