I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
