I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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