I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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