He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
