we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Welp...herpes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
