I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
