I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
