Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
