All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were trust falling into bushes
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