I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize