the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
