I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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