love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
