So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the day after is always just damage control
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
