Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
