Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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