Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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