note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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