Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They are going to name an STD after you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
