She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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