dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
