dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this will be a night to untag.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
