capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
