I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
