Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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