Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
