I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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