I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
