You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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