Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
