My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize