If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
