all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
