He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
