just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
