I wannas sexs uuuuu
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
