not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
