Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
