Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
